Archive for Uncategorized

Film Club #65 Oh oh oh, it’s Magic

“Only a Rolls man can drive a Rolls.”

We thought we’d like it, but not a lot, but even that was hoping for too much. You think you’d be able to shake something decent out of Tony Hopkins, William Goldman and Dickie Attenborough but, alas, no dice. Just one illogical scene after another, and this from a screenwriting guru of sorts.

The big sticking point was it seemed to be set in an alternate dimension where people loved, adored and were amazed by ventriloquism. I was half expecting it to have been written by Roger De Courcey. Tips of that hat to Burgess Meredith who went to town on a hilarious agent caricature and whoever Hopkins’ knitwear wrangler was. We have a new bottom film, Sean S. Cunningham can breathe easy again.

If you’re ever curious about seeing Magic, consider this knockout line of dialogue first:

“I’d like to say that goin’ to bed with you is maybe one of the best three things that ever happened to me. And I’d love some coffee. And I adore you. And I take it with cream and sugar. And your breasts belong in the Louvre, which is a museum in Paris that I plan on visiting with you once you get wise and decide to leave the old ear-blower.”

A film related treat to finish, different poster interpretations of Bresson films.


Brown trousers & Gherkin lighters


I’ve only got myself to blame. My confusion over entertaiment and film quality led to a miscalculated vote of five and a quarter and now the only chance I had of lifting Deepstar Six from its suitably Marianas Trench depths has disappeared. You could call it risk addiction. But what a ride. Basic Instinct 2, The sequel nobody ever asked for was a rollicking, risible rollercoaster. The star? The increasingly improbable dialogue. So, before we go, here are some of the very best lines from a very bad, naughty film, which David Thewlis admitted this year “It was a piece of shit, wasn’t it?”. Here are some of the people who dodged a bullet by not getting involved.

“I want that cunt in jail!”

“When you think about fucking me, and I know you do, how do you picture it… doctor?”

“You know how some guys are into blondes, and some guys are into killers?”

“Even Oedipus didn’t see his mother coming.”

P.S. Don’t forget the “car chase”.

Facts Amazing!

Phew. So, we’ve come to the end of round 4. And, for funs, I’ve been analysing the scores to see what we can learn from having watched 29 films over the past year and a wee bit. Let’s get our percentages on (albeit rounded). Rock n’ roll.

First of all, where are the films from?
USA: 72% Average score: 6.1
France: 7% Average score: 7.7
Germany, Spain, Japan, Britain, Australia and Sweden: 3% each
Average score 6.9
When are they from?
1950s: 7% Average score: 6.8
1960s: 3% Average score: 7.2
1970s: 10% Average score: 6.2
1980s: 34% Average score: 6.3
1990s: 14% Average score: 7.2
2000s: 31% Average score: 6.6

How long are the films?
< 90 mins: 10% Average score 6.4
90-99 mins: 38% Average score 6.7
100-109 mins: 34% Average score 6.6
> 110 mins: 17% Average score 6.4

Well, we know how we ranked them, but how do our scores compare with the iMDb scores as of today, June 21st?
1. Strangers on a Train 8.3
2. Lola Rennt 8.1
2. Die Hard 8.1
4. Mysterious Skin 8.0
5. Les Parapluies de Cherbourg 7.9
5. Rocky 7.9
7. Lilja4-ever 7.8
7. Do The Right Thing 7.8
9. Rushmore 7.7
10. Le Diner de Cons 7.6
10. Kramer vs. Kramer 7.6
10. When Harry Met Sally 7.6
10. Abigail’s Party 7.6
10. Zatoichi 7.6
10. Kiss Me Deadly 7.6
16. La Mala Educacion 7.5
16. Me And You And Everyone We Know 7.5
18. After Hours 7.4
18. Punch Drunk Love 7.4
20. The Fly 7.2
20. Beverly Hills Cop 7.2
22. Japanese Story 7.0
23. Mean Girls 6.9
23. Safe 6.9
25. Fletch 6.6
25. Scrooged 6.6
27. CSA 6.5
28. Pretty In Pink 6.3
29. DeepStar Six 3.8
Can we now somehow work out what are the perfect conditions for a film club high score and somehow use that information to make our choices? I’m thinking French films of the 1990s stand are looking like a good bet, so I say we try and get this into Round 5 at some point.
Also, Bill Murray seems to be the only person to crop up in more than one Film Club film. A bag of Maoams to anyone who can find any others!

Be A Thinker, Not A Stinker

Ah, wise words there from Carl “Get a stew goin'” Weathers, and in many ways it tells the story of our last few FC offerings. Okay, I won’t abbreviate Film Club again, it does look creepy. Anyway, since we were last gathered around the warming glow of this here blog, we’ve had our fair share of stinkers and thinkers, ranging from the deliberately shoddy Deepstar Six, to the purposefully Spanish Bad Education. Gracias Pedro, you’re all right by me, and more importantly there’s something of a G8 gathering at the top spot there, we should be careful a North Korean film doesn’t storm in with a 9 and annihilate the lot of ’em.

A Steak Sandwich And… A Steak Sandwich

One part mystery, one part comedy, ninety-eight parts Chevy Chase amusing himself, The Adventures of Irwin M. Fletcher aka “Fletch” scored a very respectable 6.9 giving it a solid midtable home. In all honesty, the whole point of Film Club was to trick as many people into watching Fletch as I could. So that’s it, job done. Film Club is over.
Just foolin’. In fact, as The Carpenters themselves might sing “we’ve only just begun.” Round three is now underway, and we have a Christmas special to look forward to as well. And to finish off, a Here’s Looking At You, Phyllis first: a little bit of video to enjoy. It’s a Fletch trailer remix, cut to make it seem like a stony-faced thriller of unfunniness, much like the creepy pumpkin-carving of the former Cornelius Crane Chase I found uptop.
One last thought, Mick Jagger was turned down for the role of Fletch. How might that’ve gone? The mind boggles, scrabbles and wordjumbles.

Live At The Top Of The Tower Redux (Matchstick Eiffel Edition)

In, farce, out. Bish, bash, bosh, done. Or as the French might say, piff, paff, pouf, c’est fini.* Or something. And what a rib-tickling, thigh-slapping 80 minutes it was, like a Frasier Christmas special set in France without Jane Leeves. You can’t ask for more than that. And now, controversially, it ties with Rushmore for top place. A great day for beret wearers everywhere.
It seems that the character of Francois Pignon, the well-meaning oaf is like France’s answer to Bond. If Bond was a borderline retarded Frenchman. And to think, people are moaning about Daniel Craig. Played by six different actors (seven if you include Martin Short in The Three Fugitives, a remake of Veber’s Les Fugitifs) makes him quite the Gallic icon. In fact Veber has quite the track record for Hollywood remakes, and this gem, it seems, is no exception.

*That may also be Geoffrey Durham. Forgive me.

Meeker Inherits The Dearth

Seminal film noir, endlessly copied, blah blah blah. It may be influential and frankly baffling, but one man singlehandedly made this movie, and when he got offed by some iffy kwikfitticide this film went downhill quicker than a gross of lead Maltesers. Nick the Greek (aka Nick Dennis), we hardly knew ye. Looking through his CV, it appears he might have been a tad typecast, variously playing 6 different Nicks, which kinda makes him the Charlie Sheen of his day. And when he’s not playing Nick, he’s playing people who sound mighty Greek indeed. Greco, Kanavaras, Kostas, Alexandros, Zuppas, Vitas, and finally Uncle Constantine in uber-Greek under-haired, Jennifer Aniston godfatherin’ Telly Savalas’ lollipop-botherin’ Kojak. Phew. The twist? Nick Dennis actually was Greek, not that you’d know from his shouted haikus concerning both his and his father’s facial hair.